I can't sleep

Dear tears, i'll let you flow freely, but promise me you'll heal my heart..cause it hurts a lot...

"The right thing to do"

i had a dream..we were getting married soon, mom agreed and my friends were all busy and enthusiastic about helping me with the wedding..but it seems that i'm the most reluctant person in that situation..i was worried, freaked out a lil, well, quite a lot in fact, thinking had i lose my mind to have made such huge lifetime decision? i wasn't prepared at all..it definitely mean something doesn't it? i've had this thought that things might be sweet like in those romantic korean dramas where really young couples get married, they get to grow up with the people they love! wonderful isn't it? but in that dream, i realised, no..its not at all what i want..i'm not sure of the reason; whether its because i'm not convinced if he's the right guy to spend my life with, or its because i'm afraid i might lose my freedom, my youth etc..well, he made me cry tonight..thats the main reason why i'm writing this..i used to be very sure that he's definitely the right guy, but things changed..from 99%, it dropped all the way till i'm not sure how low, but it's definitely really low that i'm kinda sure that things aren't going to work out smoothly between us in the long run..the thing is, i'm starting to think that breaking up is actually the right thing to do, but i'm not doing it, i'm ignoring that thought, but it comes back everytime he does something wrong because it reminds me of the 'right thing to do'...breaking up needs strong will, effort and courage..i used to salute people who stays in a long term relationship, but i think now i have to salute people who had guts to walk out of it even more...

drained

This world is a sad place to be in..i don't know what else to write, so the end.

Simply annoyed

Here i am writing again..how ironic cause when i created this blog, i thought i might open it in like once in a blue moon, but hey...here's another post not too long after the first..well, its sad that my first entry was quite a depressing one..i wish it would be something more..light, and delightful i would say..this time around, here comes the question again.why am i writing? i'm annoyed..annoyed with many many small little things and i just need to express it out but not by words because the person listening to this might think that i'm just too hard to live with..so, yea..writing will be good..i mean, its not like im really that hard to live with, its just that when every small little thing all go haywire at the same time, you just feel like the whole world has got issues with you..like WTH...hmm...oh, before i forget..another reason why i'm writing is because i have too many things to do that i don't even know what or which to start with..so, probably by writing, i can slowly figure them out one by one..but now i don't think its a good idea, cause...slowly? hmm..i must have knocked my head somewhere hard enough to ever think i have the time to do things slowly..i really need to stop writing right now. you know, time factor..gambate to myself!

my first blog entry

I feel like writing today..reason? i've been doing a lot of talking and yet things aren't solved yet..i feel that things are all messed up and it takes a lot of time and effort to actually put them back in place..perhaps fast paced life like this just doesn't suit me? i don't know..its just that yesterday when i was walking very slowly in the dark with a lighted candle..i felt calm..i felt that it reminds me that at times we just need to slow down a little in life..its been so long since i last walked that slow, having practically nothing in mind to think about..but how long do i get to slow down like that? i have so much to do that i'm not even sure if i can manage to get everything done in time if i start now, at this very moment and to go on non-stop till the very end..and mum..she appears rather emotinal to me..i mean, i'm a bit emotinally drained myself..i wish i have the time to keep her accompanied..i wish i have the strength to supprt her emotionally..and i wish to let her know what i'm feeling right now..but i just couldn't do that, could i? i'm going home next tuesday, but i'm starting to regret it...and yes..i regret making the decision to go home.